Writen to friends/family ... a testimony so to speak on the strugles of stopping smoking ... put it here incase others are going through it
Well not sure why I am compelled to do this, I have thought about doing it a few days, it’s sorta ramblings sorta a note to pass if you like at a time you know someone else that may be quitting smoking so they may know they are not alone. I know sorta silly and all. I kinda chose to send this to those who have touched me in my life. If nothing else it will make great material to fall asleep to *giggles*
A longgggg time ago lol like 27 years ago I got pregnant. I say this for a reason and it’s not to let ya all know how old I am. Young and a wild child I was back then into all sorta stuff, drinking and parties and illegal drugs and all. The moment I found out that I was pregnant that all stopped and I haven’t ever looked back. Those things the pot, the acid, speed and all – illegal for they are mind altering, harmful and addictive. Our Lord made a way for it to be possible to stop and gave me the strength. That leads me to the reason I bring it up. Cigarettes .. legal in this society. Don’t let anyone fool you they are mind altering ..l. why else would you pick one up when stressed … harmful oh yes in more ways then some of the illegal items. Oh and very addictive. I actually find them the most addictive thing there is out there yet they are legal. And na not a complain to make them illegal or to legalize the drugs. Just a comparisons that amazes me and it never understand why they are not illegal too.
I have smoked since I was 10 years old … this year I turn 48. That is a long time. I stopped once when I was 19 for 6 months, and again later in life. Was for near 3 years. In that time I was so active was going to the Temple and church and the singles group. It seems like I let the Temple card expire and about 6 months later was smoking again. Now I find that I want to stop for my health more then anything. I am not that old and there is a lot of time left if I live right and through the grace of our Lord … a future of grandchildren and even great grandchildren that I could be here for and enjoy and cherish. I have been working on quitting off and on probably a year but always putting it off up to this last month or so. And oh gosh I don’t recall it being this hard last time.
My emotions are so rapid I am withdrawn more then normal. I go from crying my eyes out over nothing and no clue why to anger and frustration and yes even just wanting to die. I pray for strength to our Savior to help me make it through. I do know some of this is because I am bi-polar, clinically depressed and social anxiety but the level seems to increase and it’s so rapid I never know where I will be sitting on the emotions when I am not smoking. The first day is easy then the withdrawal sets in and it all starts. If I am lucky I can sleep through it but sometimes it’s just laying there tossing and turning and feeling sorry for self and then feeling stupid because I do. The anger and frustration seems to be what hits first. And the oooo I am desperate for a smoke.
The longest I have made it so far is 4 days. I have learned that it’s not just the addiction that is a problem but the habit. So you need to work on changing the habit too. One of the things a smoker does is avoid groups that don’t smoke. I will use church as an example … knowing the word of wisdom is there for your benefit and health to follow. Also knowing that smoking is something you really can’t hide, the smell will give you away. It’s everywhere on you and is noticeable. I try to remember something a very smart man said to me once. He was a former Stake President. Verbatim I can’t to it’s been a long time since I heard it and you know age thing .. we forget. But basically it was the sweetest smell in church was that of a cigarette. To see them in church even though the smoked was brave and a good thing. I try hard to remember this and know we each have our own battles just not all our as visible. There is always the fear of being judged and shunned and all … this has never happened so not sure why that fear is there. Really it’s the opposite people have always been supportive so it is silly. The advisory does like to work on us.
I have a long way to go but I am hard headed and determine. I can do this though support of friends and family, pray and the strength our Lord will give me. It makes me angry that something like a cigarette has so much control over my life. I won’t give up trying and may fail several times before succeeding. Hopefully I will learn something each time to bring me closer to success. I guess in a way I really don’t fail unless I give up trying. We can do all with pray and our Lord
Some of you I know have never smoked and it’s hard I know to understand the addiction. Others have just set them aside and never touched them again. I wish I fell in one of these categories but unfortunately not and I guess all I can do is though one may not understand the addiction that they be supportive when I am in need. No mater what we all have issues we face and need support with. We pray for the help and strength to make it through the bad habit.
Well that is my ramblings I will stop boring you for now and feel free to pass it to another who may need a little something to read. Maybe it will help them and they will at the least see they are not alone in their struggle. Remember faith on our Savior that he died for our sins so that we can be forgiven, forgive yourself, pray pray pray and have faith in our God that he is there for us feel him thought the holy Ghost that touches our hearts when we open them up.
